Mystery Shopper

Under the poor disguise of an adopted foreign accent, I went into the shop where Mr E has taken the second of his two jobs to test his customer service. I wandered over and feigned great interest in the items of clothing for sale. He sniggered at me, and – false accent in tact – I asked for his assistance. Yes madam? He replied,  catching onto my game and playing along. What sort of style would you recommend? Well, he answered, are you shopping for yourself or someone else? Someone had clearly been giving him tips in the staff room. Myself, what size do you think I need? He answered quickly with a complimentary guess, an improvement from the dunno I had anticipated. He went on to show me a range of quality items, getting a little distracted from the role play as he showed me the things he had helped to shift to gullible foreign spenders, and the things he himself would buy if he could. He leaned rather casually against a neatly folded pile of shirts and I thought how different this retail work was to the one a much younger Master E had dreamed of.. For if you could see into his mind as I can now, you would see a child, struck with wonder as he ambles down the aisles of a magnificent superstore. Able to guide you to the right shelf in moments, he knew every products proper place, and believed himself destined to manage the store. Until – and how he regrets it now – he was caught leaving the store with some chewing gum stuffed up the front of his jumper (his purse emptier then than it is even now) and was caught sticky fingered without a receipt. He was marched back inside to apologize for his crime. The shame of the incident prevented him from returning for several weeks and squashed his career aspirations in his favourite of places.

I offered to show him a few places for lunch, but he told me he already had it covered – saving pennies by making his own. He had decided to live off a sausage-based diet. 

Buy a packet of 8 and cook all at once. 

Eat as many as you can for supper. 

Save the others for lunch (by placing entire baking tray into the fridge, squashing whatever perishable vegetables that might be in the way). 

Serve with a cold cold drink and follow with chocolate (as and when available).

Not a well-rounded diet, though it might make for a well-rounder man…