Mr E Bidder

Mr E escaped London for a day, but sadly not for fun. He had to return home to visit a doctor; and at the doctor he was prodded and jabbed like a lab rat to protect him against the various bacterias and rabid dogs he might encounter when his bank balance was bloated enough to lift him up and away from fair Albion and off around the world.

Feeling rather wounded, he was not thrilled to be called by a frantic friend who needed extra staff for a charity auction taking place in one of the finer hotels in London that evening. But persuaded by the promise of gourmet meal and eternal thanks, he donned a tux and boarded a train.

From the country to the city without a glitch, and he walked to the bus stop without a hitch, but there in the rain he ran out of luck, and he waited until he thought what the…

Finally, frustrated he turned to run to a tube and then, of course, a bus splashed past him throwing gutter water on his shoes and further dampening his mood.

When he finally appeared at the Savoy (the gentleman in the top hat guarding the door stepped aside to let him in) and the first two courses of his promised meal were waiting, slightly limp now, on the side. He sat amongst the band and ate the cold meat whilst his pudding melted and he’d barely licked the ice cream off his spoon when he was whisked into the ballroom to ensure the short auctioneer didn’t miss a bid.

Jewels glittered on ears and fingers, and ample chests blossomed out of well-tailored dresses. Mr E positioned himself against the back wall with a good view of the room. The bidding began. Mr E tried to signal an offer from a table near him, but his body was bound and his arms had turned to lead at his sides, the vaccine heavy in his blood had thickened it like heavy mud. He nodded like a penguin towards a bidder, but he was deemed useless and was sent home.

He was found shivering in the corridor in the early hours of the morning, put back to bed with a hot water bottle and was forced to take the whole weekend off work. And the knowledge that he had first failed to help anyone spend their money and then been unable to earn any himself can only have increased his headache.